Which Type of Divorce Is Right for You?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer. The right path depends on your specific situation — how much you and your spouse agree, the complexity of your finances, and whether children are involved. This guide compares all four options so you can choose with confidence.
Which Statement Sounds Most Like You?
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"We can't agree on anything — custody, money, the house. It's going to be a fight."
Major disputes exist and one or both of you is unwilling to compromise without court intervention.
"We've already worked out the details — we just need to make it official."
You and your spouse are in agreement on all key issues and want to finalize quickly and affordably.
"We're willing to work it out, but we need a neutral guide to help us get there."
You can communicate but have some unresolved issues. You want a structured, lower-cost process.
"We want a professional, team-based process that keeps us out of court entirely."
You value a structured, respectful process with attorneys, financial advisors, and coaches working together.
Not sure which fits? Take our 2-minute quiz, or schedule a consultation — we'll help you figure it out.
Side-by-Side Comparison
How the four paths stack up across the factors that matter most.
| Factor | Contested | Uncontested | Mediation | Collaborative |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Relative Cost $ = lowest · $$$$ = highest | $$$$ | $ | $$ | $$$ |
| Typical Timeline | 12 – 36 months | 3 – 6 months | 3 – 8 months | 4 – 12 months |
| You Control the Outcome | Judge decides | You agree first | You negotiate | You negotiate |
| Privacy | Public record | Mostly private | Fully confidential | Fully confidential |
| Requires Your Own Attorney | Required | Recommended | Recommended | Required |
| Court Appearances Required | Many — possibly trial | Minimal or none | Minimal or none | Minimal or none |
| Works With Children / Custody | Yes | If agreed | Yes | Specialists available |
| Works With Complex Finances | Full discovery | Only if both honest | Only if both honest | Financial experts included |
| If Spouse Hides Assets | Subpoenas available | No enforcement | No enforcement | No enforcement |
| Domestic Violence / Abuse | Protective orders | Not appropriate | Not appropriate | Not appropriate |
| Preserves Co-Parenting Relationship | Often damages it | Neutral to positive | Usually positive | Designed for it |
| Can Switch to Litigation If Needed | Already there | If agreement breaks down | If mediation fails | Attorneys must withdraw |
A Closer Look at Each Option
Every situation is different. Here is what to expect from each path in New York.
Contested Divorce
"We can't agree — let the court decide."
In a contested divorce, at least one major issue — property, custody, or support — cannot be resolved between the parties. Attorneys advocate on each side, and a judge makes binding decisions if the case goes to trial. Most contested divorces settle before trial through negotiation, but the adversarial posture raises costs throughout.
- Full discovery to find hidden assets
- Subpoenas & depositions available
- Court orders protect your rights
- Emergency motions if needed
- Most expensive option
- Can take 1–3 years
- Public court record
- Damages co-parenting
Uncontested Divorce
"We've worked it out — we just need to file."
An uncontested divorce is the fastest and most affordable path. Both spouses have already reached full agreement on every issue — property division, debt, custody, support — and simply need to document that agreement and obtain the court's approval. This can often be completed without a single court appearance.
- Lowest cost ($)
- Fastest resolution
- Minimal court involvement
- Less stressful for all
- Requires full agreement upfront
- No leverage if spouse hides assets
- Agreement must be truly complete
- Easy to overlook details
Divorce Mediation
"We need help negotiating — but not a fight."
A neutral mediator facilitates structured negotiations between the spouses. The mediator does not decide anything — they guide the conversation, propose options, and help you reach your own agreement. Mediation is confidential, voluntary, and typically much less expensive than litigation. It works best when both parties are willing to engage honestly.
- Significantly lower cost
- You control the outcome
- Fully confidential
- Faster than litigation
- Requires good-faith participation
- No subpoena power
- Not appropriate with abuse
- Mediator can't give legal advice
Collaborative Divorce
"We want a professional team, no courtroom."
Collaborative divorce is a structured process in which both spouses retain specially-trained collaborative attorneys and commit in writing not to go to court. Financial professionals, child specialists, and divorce coaches may join the team. All meetings occur in four-way sessions. If the process breaks down, both attorneys must withdraw and the parties start over with new counsel.
- Full professional support team
- Structured & respectful process
- Experts address every issue
- Great for complex finances
- Higher cost than mediation
- If it fails, start over
- Requires genuine commitment
- Not available if spouse uncooperative
Key Decision Factors
These situations often point strongly toward a particular path.
Signs litigation may be necessary
- History of domestic violence or abuse
- Reasonable suspicion of hidden assets
- Spouse is uncooperative or in bad faith
- Serious custody dispute involving the child's safety
- Spouse has retained an aggressive attorney
- Emergency protective order needed
Signs uncontested is a fit
- Both spouses are in full agreement
- No minor children, or parenting is resolved
- Straightforward finances — no business, no pension
- Both spouses are financially transparent
- No history of abuse or power imbalance
- Primary goal is speed and low cost
Signs mediation is a fit
- You have unresolved issues but can communicate
- You want to avoid court but need structure
- Cost and speed matter to you
- You share children and want to preserve civility
- Both spouses are financially honest
- Willing to compromise given good facilitation
Signs collaborative is a fit
- You want attorney support throughout but no court
- Complex finances: business, investments, pension
- Children involved — child specialist adds value
- Both spouses are committed to the process
- You value a respectful, professional process
- Willing to invest more for a better outcome
Mediation vs. Collaborative vs. Litigation: Which Fits Your Situation?
Most people are really choosing between three ways of resolving the issues. Here is the honest difference.
Mediation
Who is in the room: you, your spouse, and one neutral mediator. No advocate at the table.
Who decides: the two of you. The mediator has no power to impose anything.
What it costs: the least of the three. One professional instead of two or five.
Best when: you can still talk to each other, the finances are knowable, and neither of you holds all the power.
Weak when: one spouse controls the money or the narrative. A mediator cannot subpoena anything.
Collaborative Divorce
Who is in the room: you, your spouse, an attorney for each of you, and often a financial neutral and a coach or child specialist.
Who decides: the two of you — but each of you has counsel advising you in real time.
What it costs: more than mediation, less than a contested trial. You are paying for a team.
Best when: the finances are complex, or you want the protection of your own lawyer without the damage of a courtroom.
Weak when: the process breaks down. Under the participation agreement both collaborative attorneys must withdraw, and you start over with new counsel.
Litigation
Who is in the room: you, your attorney, your spouse, their attorney — and eventually a judge.
Who decides: you can still settle, and most cases do. If you do not, a judge decides for you.
What it costs: the most. Motion practice and discovery drive the number.
Best when: there is abuse, a power imbalance, hidden assets, or a spouse who will not participate in good faith.
Weak when: it is used reflexively. Litigation is a tool for compelling things, not for being heard.
The one-sentence rule of thumb. If you can both see the same set of facts and neither of you is afraid of the other, start with mediation. If the money is complicated or you want your own lawyer beside you the whole way, choose collaborative. If you need a court’s power — to compel disclosure, to protect someone, to make a stubborn spouse move — you need litigation, and choosing it early is not a failure.
You are also not locked in. Many Erie and Niagara County cases begin in mediation, stall on one issue, and finish with negotiated counsel. Talk it through with a Buffalo divorce attorney before you commit.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between mediation and collaborative divorce?
Mediation uses one neutral professional who helps you and your spouse reach an agreement; neither of you has an advocate at the table. Collaborative divorce gives each spouse their own attorney, plus a shared financial neutral and often a child specialist, and everyone signs an agreement not to go to court. Mediation costs less; collaborative gives you counsel beside you and is better suited to complex finances. Both keep you out of a courtroom.
Can I switch from mediation or collaborative divorce to litigation?
Yes. If mediation stalls, you can retain counsel and litigate — the mediator simply steps out. Collaborative divorce is different: the participation agreement requires both collaborative attorneys to withdraw if the process fails, so you would start over with new lawyers. That withdrawal rule is deliberate — it gives everyone a strong incentive to settle — but you should understand it before you sign.
What is the difference between contested and uncontested divorce?
In an uncontested divorce, both spouses agree on all issues — property, custody, and support — before filing. In a contested divorce, at least one major issue is disputed and requires court intervention. Uncontested divorces are faster and far less expensive.
Is divorce mediation the same as an uncontested divorce?
No — mediation is a process, not an outcome. In mediation, a neutral mediator helps spouses negotiate an agreement. If successful, the result is typically an uncontested divorce. But you can have an uncontested divorce without using a mediator if you've already agreed on everything.
How long does each type of divorce take in New York?
Uncontested divorces typically take 3–6 months once paperwork is filed. Mediated divorces take 3–8 months. Collaborative divorces take 4–12 months. Contested divorces that go to trial can take 1–3 years. Erie County court scheduling affects all timelines.
Can I start with mediation and switch to litigation if it doesn't work?
Yes. Mediation is voluntary and confidential. If it fails, you can proceed to contested litigation. What was said in mediation generally cannot be used in court. With collaborative divorce, the rules are different — if the process breaks down, both collaborative attorneys must withdraw and the parties must retain new counsel to litigate.
Do I need an attorney even if we're doing an uncontested divorce?
You need an attorney to review your agreement before you sign. Uncontested divorces are not always as simple as they seem — issues around retirement accounts, the marital home, tax consequences, and future modifications are easy to get wrong without legal guidance.